I don't think you deserve to be miserable and I really don't think you are selfish. I too rely on having a t appointment to force myself to do things (ie I tell myself I "have" to do them before the appointment..otherwise I would be too depressed to do them.) I like what lynn P. suggested - would you come back and post after you completed an item off your to do list, and then again after the second, if you got another one done as well?