Bless you, livlife, sure, you've got my prayers, and make sure that you get some help yourself, therapy if you can afford it, help from a pastor or other councellor if you can't. You are carrying things you were never meant to shoulder, and your husband being so sick, I can see why you try so hard to do everything to make him better. Lke some have said, its not possible for you to make him better, even if you get the brunt of his pain. He has to fight his way through it on his own terms. No, its not right for him to speak abusively to him, even if it is easier to do that when you hurt. You hae to be able to say no. Bigs HUGGGGSSSS. I hope you feel you can keep coming back and posting, because this is not good to go through alone.