I don't know that you will listen to me, or anyone, but I figure this is worth a try.

A suggestion: skim through your past posts, especially any saying that you are stopping therapy and meds. Also look through any of our replies to your threads, I see lots of good discussion and suggestions already there.

I am not sure what your current post means, but I guess that it could be saying -help me-, since it is posted publically and demonstrates painful emotions.

The right meds, continued consistently and not stopped, plus good enough therapy, can work wonders. They don't necessarily make all the pain go away, but they help. Having the edge taken off is a worthy goal.

Doing something other than being on the computer would help, methinks. Doing something good for someone else, without needing a particular result to happen, might help also.

Sarah