FIRST AND FOREMOST:
YOU ARE NOT A FREAK.
If having problems make you a freak, then everyone on this imperfect earth deserves the label too (which would actually defeat the purpose of having the label, but still).
YOU ARE NOT A FREAK.

Secondly, and I've never been in this situation before, so I'm not going to pretend to know all that's going on and all that you are feeling, so I don't want to give the wrong advice when I don't know the right thing to say that will help... but I do want to say that having thoughts of failure is ok, because they are just that -- THOUGHTS. Recognize these thoughts as just being thoughts, and know that they don't mean anything if you don't do anything to act on them.

Thirdly, it's ok to be scared sometimes. Just try to remember that it's all for the best and it will be helpful in the long run, even if it may be terrifying now. It's often hard to see the positive outcome, but know that it will all work out eventually.

Know that you have my support, and keep us posted.
((((((((((((((((princess))))))))))))))))