Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueMoon6
MUE- That is intereting to me. What do you think changed?
It sounds like some anger here! What do you think? I had the same experience- being laughed at and stories of the demon child that I was. I didnt find it funny, I didnt agree with the stories, I thought they were half lies, half truths to make my mother look however she wanted to look. I found my anger (as opposed to acting out) and it feels good to tell the truth. Do you think you would want to go further with what you wrote there about mom laughing at your demon-child-ness? Maybe she created what she is now laughing at. Beating a child isnt going to create a little angel.
|
My T and I explored this a tiny bit in therapy....I just haven't been able to go there fully. Too many conflicting painful feelings to face...
What we came up with was that my parents were not ready to face having a 2nd child so soon after their 1st - and couldn't handle the pressure....and I took the brunt of it. After not getting acceptance early on in life, I became rebellious...and when that didn't work, I went back to being the good girl (as a young adult). And by that time, they weren't under the same kind of stress - being disabled, retired, etc. They actually became dependent on me, and I became the caretaker.
And yes, that was a bit of anger there, huh?
It comes in small waves on occasion...but subsides quite quickly, after being taken over by guilt when I remember the good times, the love, etc. especially in my adult years.
I know my T would've encouraged me to say what I posted here to my mom - to throw it back in her face and express the anger - but I know I couldn't do it. I addressed the abuse with her once, and she dismissed it, saying that I asked for it because I never listened.
My T was quite pleased that I actually talked to my mom about it - even briefly - and felt that it was huge for me to say it, even if it wasn't received well.