I'm in a dull lifeless place. I don't want to die but I don't want to be here. I'm thinking of course and focusing almost to the point of obsession that I'm ok. I am ok. I don't like being ok. I want to smile for my son. I want to go in the living room and play games with him. I don't feel well when I'm out there. I feel better in my own room. I don't really do anything I there. Just lay around and wait. Don't know what I'm waiting for. A sign a phone call. What kind of sign and wld I even answer the phone if it did ring. I don't know. What kind of life is this. How much longer do I have to live it.