(((BNLsMOM)))
Noticing patterns is always good, but feeling anxious and paranoid when coming out of a depression is not that unusual. I would be cautious about reading too much into it.
A passage I copied from "Invisible Warfare" by Mona Miller, is perhaps the best explanation of paranoia I've come across.
Quote:
Paranoia is a trigger caused by time-travel. When it happens we are in the past, future and present at the same time.
The psyche hopes you will 'see', feel and process the memory of living in paranoia to understand it and turn it into wisdom. If not, you get to be insane instead. So that movie stays in your subconscious playing and re-playing. There's a good chance you will think, feel, and act from the age you were at the time of that memory, in present time. You can feel as if it were happening now and act it out accordingly. Insanity comes into the picture when you don't know that your psyche is in the past and your body is physically in the present.
The truth is, the memory is not happening now. You are triggered. Your triggered thoughts, feelings, and actions are about to be judged ridiculous. You may not feel totally crazy because somewhere inside, your intuition tells you this thing has truth in it. The truth is, it is real; it is just not true, now.
The subliminal memory projects itself onto today's trigger. The subconscious mind superimposes these pictures in the style of trick photography. You are now in two places at one time -- mentally, emotionally, physically and psychically....
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(I'll PM you the whole passage.)
If you accept this idea that paranoia is caused by some event that is not happening NOW, then you can apply that to your experiences...
Quote:
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I can feel "energies" and can tell the mood of a househole simply by driving past or looking at a house. It's not all houses, but some of them feel strong to me. I noticed I was starting to feel house energy again today.
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Perhaps there was a time in your past where knowing what house felt 'safe' was *very* important to you? When you feel something strongly about a house, what is it that you feel? Is your mind pointing out houses that might feel bad or dangerous, or is it pointing out houses that feel good and safe?
IMHO, the anxiety and paranoia is there for a reason, it just might not be connected to present day reality.
Please understand this is only my opinion, and I am not a professional. Exploring this might trigger you, so it might be a good idea to wait and explore it with T. If this is not helpful, please ignore and just accept my support.
A few virtual and loving hugs for you!
