Im glad you did it and that you are not basing your success on her (or anyone else's) reaction. That you said it, even if she offhandedly said you "deserved" it, you are able to see the HUGE success in that. And see that your mom just doesnt get it and its OK. Can I give you a hug?

I think if I ever said that to my mom she might even say she was sorry in an attempt to get pity and then overblow her difficulities and make it about her. If she had ever been backed into a corner and had to apologize, the apology is all about her and not who she hurt. And, unfortunately, a lot people, my family included, bought her stories.

Im sorry about the difficulties you are having with your feelings about your father. I can understand this. It is very hard. Im not sure what is getting in the way of me talking about my father, but I cant go there either. I wanted very badly for him to love me.