I wasn't sure where to post this. I'm not sure whether or not I really slept lastnight, or 2 nights ago I guess, considering it's 1 am now. It was one of those nights filled with tossing and turning. I was trying to fight off a panic attack and I knew that if I could just get some sleep I would feel better. I had this nightmare, or atleast I think it was a nightmare, but I'm not sure if I was asleep or not. I'm a bit confused. And it just made things worse. Anyway, finally dozed off for a couple hours and woke up feeling like absoltute scrap. My whole body just ached so bad, still does. I started feeling better and was even laughing by this evening, but then I snapped over something totally stupid. I made some chicken noodle soup and put some of it in a cup, and left some in the pan. My sister asked if she could have some and I told her to wait until I was done becuase I wanted to see if I could eat it all (could hardly it all day). She snuck some from the pan anyway, just a little bit, and I can't beleive how angry it made me. I just started screaming at everyone and I couldn't stop crying. I didn't want to act that way or let them see me cry (that botheres me for some reason) but I just couldn't stop. I just went out of control and wanted to hurt someone or myself so bad.... over chicken noodle soup! I didn't even want the **** soup after that, and I feeel so stupid now. I mean I'm 18 years old, not 5, and I threw this intense tantrum over some noodles. I got so depressed afterwards that I couldn't talk to anyone. After a while I couldn't even remember what I was so uspet about. I'm not one that likes to show alot of emotion or talk about my feelings openly, so no one knows how crazy I've been feeling lately. It seems recently though, that I can't seem to control it. I want to get help, but I'm afraid to. I can't keep going on like this though. I've hardly slept or ate all week, and my grades and relationships are suffering. I'm afraid to talk to anyone outside the internet though. It just makes me so nervous thinking about it. I don't know what to do.