Welcome to PC Grithnir. I am sorry that you have, to this point in your life felt, like you don't have a place in the world to be who you are meant to be. I am saddened that you feel like you don't have any place in the world but you do. Finding it is hard for everyone, but with your life experiences it has been harder for you then most. I empathize with your feelings of feeling like an outsider almost everywhere you go. That the world would rather judge then to try and understand. I hope you don't allow the things that have happened in your life to convince you that you should be someone else or that you aren't a good person. I hope you can learn to be okay with who you are and realize that mistakes we make don't have to identify us but are experiences for us to learn from and embrace. I really hope you find peace with who you are, then the negativity that pervades the world everywhere won't overwhelm you so much. You deserve to be happy no matter your gender preference or the fact that you are dealing with mental illness. Good luck and I wish you happiness.