I have never liked to think of myself as having anxiety, so I really just never thought of myself that way. Recently I have been recognizing that I am just plain generally afraid of anything and everything and anyone. I push through it, and it doesn't usually stop me from trying things, but it does affect my performance. I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety several years ago, but my primary diagnosis was Depession, so I ignored the other, pretty much. I looked it up on the internet at some point and found that it definitely did describe me. I also realized that I was in a therapy group once that was treating social anxiety, although I didn't realize it at the time. Still, I never felt like I had any claim to having an anxiety disorder.

Then T asked me to identify a feeling, and I figured it as nervousness, but guessed she would go for something more intense, like fear. She said fear was good, but she was thinking anxiety. I said that I never thought of anxiety applying to me. Apparently, I've been living in a constant state of anxiety for longer than I can remember, and I'm so used to it that I don't usually notice it. Since then, I've been noticing my anxiety, and that's not very comfortable at all.

My curent T seems to be not all that big on diagnosing. She said it doesn't really matter because the treatment is the same, but finally told me I have symptoms of PTSD, but probably don't qualify for that diagnosis, and that I can "take my pick" between Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Dependent Personality Disorder, and Borderline, with Depression in there too. How's that for a mix? It feels like it's probably right, but it also feels uncomfortable, sometimes intensely so.

Nothing to fear but fear itself, huh?