I hope it gets better. It was easier when I was just ignoring it. Apparently I have the ability to override my anxiety in a lot of situations (but not others). I can ignore my depession too - it's comfortable and familiar for me to be mildly to moderately depressed. I'm used to it, and I function pretty well there. With the anxiety, now that I know that it's there, I feel it more, and I worry that other people can see it.

Today was my first class for a master's in mental health counseling program. This first class is a requirement before being accepted to the program, and we're being evaluated on the skills that are needed to be a counselor. Some of these, like writing, I don't expect to be a problem for me, but it's also oral communication in front of the group, being videotaped, etc. I keep worrying that my anxiety shows too much and it will disqualify me. The professor already noticed that I am quiet and shy. In the second half of the class he commented that it was nice that I was being more vocal, which means he noticed I was not very vocal in the first half of the class.

One of the oral presentations is to be about why I want to be a counselor, and the ideal characteristics of a counselor, and how I compare to the ideal. There could not be a more difficult subject for me because I really question myself. I almost couldn't do it when T asked me to tell her why I thought I could be a psychologist. T will probably be very impressed with me if I actually make it through this class.