First I suggest getting into therapy, are you? I suggest going to a therapist and also if possible joining a support group. A group for women, or mothers, or survivors of violence, anything along those lines.

Therapy can help you sort out challenges, problem solve, get feedback, and begin the healing process.

Talk with someone also about how you are feeling as a mother, that sounds important. Call in any healthy support you can find, check round what social services are available to you. If you need respite, see if there is any group offering child care to parents who need a break.

Your depression might slowly fade through work in therapy, you also might want to try a course of meds, see if that helps.

Best wishes to you,
Sarah