I always took the time to look at my anger, see what actually happened (how did you leave okay?) and figure out what I want. Often I found my anger at someone was related to something else that was making me anxious. Whenever I got road rage, very uncommon for me, as soon as I recognized it I'd stop and examine the REST of my life to see what was wrong; it usually wasn't about the driving/what happened on the road. Once it was because a friend at work had breast cancer and was being operated on and I felt helpless. I don't think it's a coincident that you're angry at T and your grandfather is dying at the same time? For me, it would be "easier" to be angry at T, who's alive (and can prove it by "pushing back"/responding) then to deal with all that is about someone I love dying.