Good point Pachy. As I was writing out this thread, this did occur to me and my response was that I really didn't know and I left it at that and went on to read other threads. Now that you have asked me this question, however, you are giving me the opportunity to explore this (thanks!). I'll bet it is triggering. I just knew that putting this out in a thread would get the ball rolling on this one for me.

I had so many bad experiences with friends while growing up. Most of it centered around my lack of empowerment to be my own person when with others. I was an expert follower! I also had such low self worth and I had "branded" myself as a "low life" that I didn't think that I deserved friends who were higher up. Isn't that crazy! So I hung out with the burn outs. With my 20/20 hindsight now, these most likely were the kids with the same problems. Anyway, now I am trying to connect this past experience with today.

This was my highschool experience. Once I was in college and post college I grew beyond that but I still struggled so much. I don't even know where to go with it now. Thinking about it just brings confusion. Please ask questions so that I can refocus and make sense of this!