Sarah, I really appreciate your feedback on this. I think that why I'm uncomfortable with the concept that anxiety applies to me is something I need to try to understand, and that's really why I posted here tonight. I'm working on coming to terms with that. Not belonging is also a huge theme for me overall. I have a hard time feeling like I can ever belong anywhere. This community overall has been one of the biggest exceptions. I do feel like I belong at PC.

I know that I do have anxiety, and I'm noticing when it affects me, and I know that it always has. The difference is being aware of it. Sometimes I have probably not really noticed that I was uncomfortable, and other times I just knew that I wanted to hide under a desk, but it was harder to figure out why. So this is probably a positive development because now I can work on dealing with the anxiety. Ignoring it and denying its existance might let me keep functioning even though I'm fearful about something, but actually being able to deal with it would be a lot better.

I have dissociative symptoms too. They help with avoiding anxiety, don't they? For some reason, I'm not particularly distressed by my dissociation. Dissociation is a normal and useful coping method unless it goes too far and causes trouble for you.

One reason, I think, why my therapists tend to not want to tell me diagnoses is that I tend to define myself by them, so that essentially assigns me a role to play and I'll play that role very well, but that's not what we want. I'm more comfortable with some than others. Depression, borderline, and dependent personality disorder don't phase me because they are right in line with my identity. Anxiety, on the other hand, is harder for me to accept because not only does it seem foreign to my identity, I associate it with several members of my family, and with traits or behaviors that they have that I don't admire at all. I don't want to be like them.