I have learned in therapy that anger is an easy emotion for many people to react with- expressed as judgement or criticism, but it can actually be fear. Or whatever. Fear of how I feel about myself, fear that they will find out I dont measure up, whatever it might be for you.
Another thing I learned is that control is a way to stuff feelings. What feelings am I working so hard to avoid by controlling this or that? From controlling a conversation to the comings and goings in the house.To keep everything safe enough for me to function. If I were not in control something out of control might happen and then Id have to get it all back in control. Or I might be caught in a situation where I wont know what to! And OMG if I dont know what to do! I'll be seen as the f*** up I really am! It is such and incredible RELIEF to just let go and let things be as they are, especially when out with friends. To allow the friend to take the lead. It can be a fun exercise, too. Just to be in the moment.

I am speaking from what I have experienced, but maybe it strikes a chord with you?Am I way off base here?