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lynn09 · Jan 25, 2010, 02:25 PM

(((((Rissie))))) About 35 years or so ago, I was sitting on the couch in my apartment saying pretty much the very same things to myself that you are saying to yourself now. Then I realized that there was one person that had been constantly present through every moment of my life - through all of the great, the mediocre, and the horrible, and knew every detail of my life story. No matter how bad things got this person was ever present even when others turned their backs on me.......that person was me.

I asked myself, "What if I were stranded in some remote place and connecting with others was absolutely impossible?" I realized that since such isolation can occur even (and sometimes especially) when we are surrounded by others, then what was really needed was for me to be my own best friend.

I thought about the terrible things I said to myself about me, having been trained by my abusers to abuse myself for them when they couldn't be present to do it personally. I asked myself, "If I had a friend, how would I feel towards and what I would say to them if they were sitting here now saying such terrible things about themselves?" I knew that I would not condemn and demean them even more - instead, I would empathize, comfort, console, encourage, support, point out all of the good things I could see in and knew about them, and offer them tea and cookies. Why? Because that is what my heart tells me that they need - compassion and understanding, not judgment and condemnation.

If that is what my friend would need from me and what I would gladly do/be for them, then that is what I need; and during those times when no one else is able and/or willing to be a friend and do/be those things for me in order to validate my value and worth, then I must learn to do those things for myself - to stop the self-abuse, and to treat myself with at least as much care, respect, and consideration that I would afford to others.

It isn't about what we or others believe that we do or do not "deserve," but rather what we all need in order to be emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically healthy so as to be a true benefit to ourselves and others.

Please be kind to and gentle with yourself, Rissie - do for yourself what we would do for you to express our care and concern if we could physically be there with you now. lynn09

(P.S.: Well said, (((((Byzantine)))))!)