This morning I was in despair. I went to the gym to workout. Exercise really does help. I would not say I am feeling good, but I definitely feel better than when I posted this morning.

Does anyone else have these ups and severe downs? I'm really trying to get better. I will do whatever is necessary. One moment I'm feeling worthless, the next I'm telling myself I'm a good person. Not having a college degree does not make me unworthy. I did not have a supportive family growing up. I was invisible. The only reason I went to school is because I wanted to learn and to be with my friends. No one ever asked me about school or anything about my life. I felt very lonely in my family. I was always critisized, never praised. I now know I suffered from low self-esteem.

My middle sister has always put me down. She married very young and her husband's parents put them both through college. She always felt she was superior to my entire family because she was the only college educated member. She was ashamed of us. I'm surprised we were invited to the wedding.

To this day, I feel uncomfortable around her. We are not close. I am envious of her family and friends. She did well with her life, so did my oldest sister (who is not college educated). But as for me, I feel I wasted my life. I married my high school sweetheart who turned out to be an alcoholic. Finally, I wised up and divorced him, but only after we had been married 10 years and had a son (who turned out to be an alcoholic also). I tried to support me and my son on a secretary's salary. I kept a roof over our heads, but it was so hard to make ends meet. I know my sister looked down on me.

I don't know where all this is coming from; I just needed to say it. I'm sure it has a lot to do with my depression. Thanks for listening.