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I have never in all my years of therapy and pain felt as lost as I am right now. I feel misplaced – missing, lost and broken. I can still fake my way through the days but it is getting harder. I want to disappear one moment and lash out the next. It scares me because I am hurting the ones I love the most – my reason for being - my purpose. Without them I am alone, nothingness. With me, they become the broken souls – it is a burden too great to bear.
I have thought about leaving but will that break them too? - Just in a different but probably no less painful way- There really is no way out but directly through this pain and misery. I hope I have the strength because right now I very much doubt my ability to get through this and come out the other side. I must prevent the ravaged landscape of my past from becoming my family's. It is what I pray for.
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