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Originally Posted by chaotic13
Blue it sound like you had a really open discussion about your experiences and the way you expressed yourself. I think I would like to get some of that stuff out of my head too. I just haven't been able to do it yet.
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I am glad I talked about it. I think it will give ftt more insight into me in order to help me get past it all. I know how hard it is to get it out of your head and memories and into words to say to T. I thought a little bit about what I was going to tell her, but didnt overthink it. If I did I might not have said anything at all. She seems to understand, maybe she understands more than I do, which is fine. I think she'll help me get it. I still dont understand where this stuff I did came from really. Being sexualized? I think so. Maybe being exposed to too much at an early age. Not sure.
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IDK about the self worth issue. But for me... Somehow I need to break the belief ingrained belief that sex is nothing more than me letting someone take advantage of me or get off on me. I haven't been able to OWN the feeling of a shared experience. I think I have learned now what shared experiences feel like in other types of relationships...just can't transfer that to sex. For me...that's the connection that abuse severed.
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((((Chaotic)))) What does T say about how to being to change that? Maybe as your other experiences are more shared, intimate ones will be shared, too. They do say that relationships and sex is the final frontier.
I think what you are saying is similar to how I feel. I can share the experience of sex, but that sex and love are difficult for me to integrate together. With my husband, I would think he is saying he loves me b/c he wants something or sex. And this was how I felt growing up. That I was being used and manipulated for whatever reason.