Sometimes its hard to look back at how rich your life once was. But im sure that you have other good things in your life now. Try to focus only on the positive. Forget about the past. Its already behind you so look forward to your future. Dont try to understand why, just learn from whatever happened. If you truly have no one to talk to, maybe you should find a therapist that could help, if you do not have one already. It may not be the same as hearing someones voice but we are here for you if you need us. Find support wherever it may lurk. You are not alone while you are here.