That was the topic of my session today. My t claims that I am, hands down, the patient of his who suppresses the most. Probably so. I have this tendency to just let things roll off me. I don't even recognize when something needs to be looked at and dealt with. "So," says I, "if I can't even recognize I'm doing it, how on earth can I work on those issues?"

T worked with me today on recognizing physical signs that something may be up. We worked with tension and anxiety. Anxiety is not a bad thing. It is protective and adaptive, but when anxiety is irrational, then there is something else going on.

My assignment: practice paying attention to feelings of anxiety or tension. What is going on? Is the anxiety rational? If not, what am I really thinking about? (that's the tough one). What are the mistaken beliefs from my childhood that are being triggered by whatever is going on? Acknowledge those. What is the truth?

He made a point to say that we can hold on to things we are sure are true for a very long time unless we really look at them and challenge them.

I'll keep working on this. His favorite book is The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook. He doesn't care about most of the book, but right in the middle of the book are two chapters on self talk and mistaken beliefs. They are just packed with introspection. It's very cbt, but not in a real surfacy kind of way. Requires so much reflection on childhood and how childhood impacts us as adults. I've read through these chapters before, but I'm working through them again. It's interesting to see how my thinking has changed in some ways and how it seems to be set in concrete in other ways.

I know all this stuff intellectually, and parts of it I've come to internalize pretty well, but other things are greater challenges.

Just a good session. Food for thought.