Quote:
Originally Posted by good girl 62
I guess it's because my name *** looser. That's what my name means to me. That's how my own mother treats me. She has been shoving me away since as far back as I can remember, maybe 5 yrs old. I was s\the middle child and was treated like a middle child. If something happened in the house she blamed me of course. My older sister just stood there and let her blame me for things she did. I mean I could go one and one. I forgave her for the horrible childhood but then she really blew it big time. I mean it would take a true miracle for me to just forgive her and I don't think I can. I am in some serious emotional pain. I feel the name change would give me some closure and honestly I want her to cry at night like I have cried because of how she has treated me. Ok, I will admit I want to hurt her emotionally too. I don't know. It's just a thought. I was in court one day and heard a women come in and do it. I thought she was very brave.
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Would you feel completely lost if you changed your name? When I got married, I changed my name (last). I loved my husband, but for many years I felt lost, like a part of me was gone. Your situation is different, it sounds as if you want that part of you gone. I don't know if you can achieve that through a name change. It sounds like you have to get rid of the bitterness (however deserved, bitterness only hurts you) and then maybe make that choice?
I am sorry you have been so hurt by your mother, I do understand somewhat. I haven't spoken to my own in years and she lives in another state..thankfully. Terrible childhood, abuse and more abuse...it hurts.
Think it through very carefully, you will be giving up who you are, maybe the best thing is to reclaim yourself...
