i do need professional help and I am willing to do that. I just don't know where to start. I was seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist a year ago and i stopped going. i didn't feel like i was making any progress. the one dr. dx me with bipolar disorder and put me on heavy duty meds and i took them up until last may which was after a year on them. i was having bad side effects. i have done well off of them and do not want to be back on them. but when i went to the counselor for that side of treatment she didn't really ever even touch on anything i needed to work on. i don't want to go back to her and i will find someone else to help me. so i guess i'm just not sure where to start. i guess i'm bipolar i don't know. i do have a lot of the symptoms etc but i just don't really think i've ever been manic in the sense that i've seen others with the disorder. maybe hypomanic is all. anyway, i will make a step today and at least research who is available in my area and maybe make a phone call. i have to do something. thank you for your input.