My pdoc says I have treatment resistant depression.....in simple English, nothing works.

My depression is a deep, dark, never ending sadness that sucks the life out of me. It's as if someone has reached inside and is twisting my heart until it hurts. It hurts, physically hurts. It is always there lurking in the shadows of my existence waiting for me to let my guard down so it can pounce once again.

Tears are my traveling companion through this never ending sadness. Why the tears? I don't know but they are always there. I buy tissues by the case and sometimes that isn't even enough to last a week. Even with all the tissues used I still feel no relief

I know all the "things" I should be doing for myself but there doesn't seem a purpose. Do things that give you a belief in yourself. Repeat phrases of encouragement over and over until you believe them. Why?

Without meds, I can't sleep. My brain just keeps going never taking a break from the sorrow. Today, tomorrow, the next, everyday is exactly the same.

Since 2001, I've had over 65 different meds and combinations there of. I've had regular monthly visits to the local mental resort facilities. In 2005 I under went ECT treatments. Right now I'm on a combo of drugs that allows me to function. I'm still not living but the drugs give me the ability to function. I'm so lucky??

Words you will never here me say: "Welcome to my world".

kebs