Sannah, it is still great to have you posting. I was greatly intrigued with your post title because that is me all over. Being with friends or potential friends causes me the most amount of confusion and i often feel fear, trapped, consumed, interested, empathetic, joy...yet despite all that, rarely ever any real connection. I believe that if i felt connected to people i would not feel these emotions to the severity that i do because that would remain constant. Consistancy is something i greatly lack!

Anyway, i'm still confused as to how you are affected when you are with other people. Do you feel fear/anxiety? Do you feel overpowered? Do you feel responsible? I know you feel out of control, but is that of your emotions and the consequences of that, or do you feel out of control of other people and their emotions? What about a combination of the two, that you need to control other people because in doing you keep yourself in control? Are you afraid you aren't likable or that they won't like you? I know that sounds pretty similar but it isn't quite, the former only has you as the component, but the latter requires active hostility which kinda means (in my roundabout way) that they have to have something 'bad' in them to dislike you. Mmmm...i think i'm putting my feelings onto your post now though!!

I've been thinking about you being upset and blaming the 'low life' friends you used to have and i thought perhaps your anger at them comes from a sense of shame? At them for who they were, and perhaps with yourself for not being 'good enough' to speak to other people 'higher up' (i'm assuming you meant the social ladder here btw, not extremely tall people ).

I'm similar to purple fins - with strangers i am absolutely fine, i can be confident (sometimes too much so!), and happy to make conversation. BUT, the minute a person reaches out an olive branch of friendship i become totally overwhelmed and want to run away. It isn't that i don't like them and what i feel towards them is simply superficial, but i fear the potential closeness/exposure. I guess i'm still working on intimacy issues, although i don't feel that is the full picture.

Out of curiosity what did you feel when you hung out with the low lifes? Are you scared of feeling like that again? Do you equate your old 'low life' friends with your friends now?

(ps - i don't think you should have asked for questions!!)