I understand how you feel, I was there not too long ago. I feel much better now and I feel I owe it to the fact that I have a great therapist and I followed the doctor's advice about antidepressants. I dont like the idea of depending on pills but there doesnt seem to be another option and if my heart was sick I would take the heart medicine as prescribed!
I hope you feel better soon! You are not alone, keep posting, you will find a lot of understanding and caring people here.