Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa
so, since I'm in DBT there is a big focus on mindfulness, which I have found to be really helpful to me in some ways (observing my emotions, for one). Lately I've been flooded with a lot of flashbacks and memories of past trauma, and my T has been talking a lot about mindfulness the last couple of weeks.
For example, when I'm having a flashback, to remind myself that it's not happening NOW and to do grounding to keep myself oriented to the present.
It sounds a lot like she's saying "if you would think about it differently, you wouldn't suffer so much when the flashbacks happen". It feels like it's my fault for suffering, because I'm doing it wrong. The negative, self-hatred type feelings just snowball from there. It makes me not call her when I should, because I feel like I shouldn't NEED to call her, if I was doing mindfulness "right" then I'd be FINE and I wouldn't NEED to call her, you know?
I know this is probably some sort of cognitive distortion on my part, some way in which I need to challenge my thinking. I believe my T is trying really hard to help me and god knows I want to do whatever I can that will make this time easier on myself, I just need some help here.
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Zoopra-
I'm sorry that you are having such a tough time. I think that you are expecting too much of yourself. You are in T to learn how to use the skills that are provided (mindfulness etc.). You seem to be expecting yourself to be perfect at it (ie expecting to be able to use your skills from DBT to help you with your flashbacks perfectly every time.) All skills take time to learn. These will too. That is why your T is available to help you when you need it. Doing mindfulness and breathing exercises and cognitive restructuring are much easier to do in session than when we are out on our own dealing with the flashback at the moment. With practice it gets better. But at the beginning it wont be easy. That is why T is available to help and you should call and reach out. You should reach out to T so that you can get help when your skills need a boost. She will be able to help you put them into practice at the time you are having problems.
I hope that you are feeling better and you should talk to your T about your reticence to call her when you are having problems. I just did this with my T. And while it still is hard to call and ask for help, I know with talking about it over time it will get easier for me to ask for it. I often feel the same way that I should be good enough to be able to deal with it on my own. It takes strength to ask for help.
