A couple of months ago I wrote of the death of my father and how even though I had been estranged from him for 16 years, it still has an effect. Now, I have just found out that my mother ( who has been an alcoholic my entire life) has terminal cancer. She has been given 2 -4 months to live. The effect her drinking has had on my life has been huge. She has done and said many terrible things. In fact, she has never been a mother and I feel a lot of bitterness about what I have missed out on. Now I am faced with her impending death. I dont know what I feel. She lives in Australia, and I am in New Zealand. I dont feel able to care for her but I know within my heart I have to go and see her before the end. I feel so much confusion and an almost numbness about the situation. How should I be feeling........I am mixed up!