OMG! Tree- this is such a HUGE HUGE issue for me. I struggle with this. I used to act out as a teen and young adult and had no idea that sex and love were disconnected for me. I could not comprehend sex with love. Sex was sex and love was love.

In my marriage I have felt confused about this, but it is only recently that I talk about this in therapy. That he loves me, that I can believe him, that I can look at what he says and does and believe it, that he expresses it or wants to connect with me through sex. And that I can express my love for him in with sex and connect with sex.

On a different note, ftt said to me that often men connect to their partners with sex and a woman's interest often begins during the day with how he behaves, connects emotionally etc. That if that doesnt happen, she is less likely to be interested in intimacy during the evening. With men, it isnt necessarily so. That is true for me. And for my H!