Hey Melba, so you were choosing people who wouldn't really offer you intimacy? This was the issue that took me to my first therapist 20 years ago. I worked on my boundaries for this issue. I also worked on why I feared intimacy (which for me included self worth, fear of getting hurt, lack of social skills, just not understanding what is normal, etc.). This dance that you are describing is an attempt to try to get your opposing needs met (wanting intimacy but then not wanting intimacy).