Hey Abby, my fear and anxiety has been greatly reduced but reminants of it are probably still at work here giving me trouble with this issue. I worked on empowerment quite a bit too, so I really don't have issues with this and my boundaries are pretty good. Feeling responsible, this might be an issue since I probably still think about other's needs before my own to a certain degree. I have worked on this issue quite a bit but remnants are probably still there. I don't think anyone would look at me as someone who controls other people, so this issue wouldn't fall in that extreme but I would probably be sensitive to what others are doing around me. So I wouldn't want to control them but I would be negatively affected by their activity to a slight degree. I hope that makes sense. So I guess it would be a bit of hypervigilance. And I would bet this would come just from triggering because I have learned so many skills but that fear is still deeply embedded in my brain. Previously with triggering, I get into the situation and then tell myself the opposite of my trigger and notice opposite of my trigger and I have had a lot of success with this. I'll put this on my to do list! Being afraid of not being likable is probably very true.

I have definitely been thinking that what I don't like in the burn outs was what I didn't like in myself, this being that I thought I was so low and all the qualities that I assigned to myself (I grew up poor in a dysfunctional and uneducated family and had all the markings of this). So yes, shame.......

This thing about being more comforable with strangers or others who you know won't be intimate is very true! We went to a party this last weekend that is connected to my husband's work and most of the attendees were people "under" my husband, people who we wouldn't be developing relationships with and guess what, the pressure is off for me...... interesting...... So there is still intimacy involved for me in this issue too.

When I would hang out with the low lifes I felt I had no power or identity. I had terrible boundaries. I was a quiet follower who would never stand up for myself so I would do things that I didn't really want to do (skip school, do drugs, be with them period). Ugh...... such a terrible time in my life! We had a cousin move in with us when I was 14. She was 5 years older than me. She asked me "what the heck are you doing?" and this was the beginning of my empowerment because I quit hanging out with these kids and I did some major self improvement. I just needed someone to notice and care and she did.

The people that I am around now do not share ANY similarities to the people I was around in school. I live in the burbs with professionals but I will never forget where I came from so I notice when these professionals are clueless to the other side!

Abby, thank you so much for your very thoughtful questions!