I am so f'in mad right now! I am almost 29 and have to live with my mom for financial reasons, mine not hers. My daughter also lives with me. Part of my depression is that I can't shut my brain off to go to sleep at a decent time. I often lie in bed for hrs if I try to go early. It is often after 2am before I am able to go to sleep, and then it isn't restfull. I need to be up between 7 and 730 to get my daughter off to school, so my mom thinks it is "helpful" to wake me when she gets the paper at 630. All this does is makes me irritated and angry and then I fall back asleep and wake up around 8 or after, it was 815 this morning. School starts at 825 so she was late again. And she was in a foul mood. It isn't fair to her.
My mom knows I suffer from depression, she just doesn't know what depression does to a person. She thinks that I should be able to go to bed and when I wake up be this happy person. Little does she know that she contributed to it while I was growing up. My dad was court ordered out of the house when I was going into 6th grade. My sisters (I am the middle of 3) were almost constantly at each other, and since mom had to work it was up to me to fix things. I had to make sure, or at least I felt I did, things were a-ok by the time mom got home. I was the glue that held us together. I had very few friends all through school because I didn't have time for them, I had to make sure my sisters were getting along. I can count on one hand the friends I have now, who know about my life.
I am so tired of living this way, it seems like I can't go on anymore. The one thing that keeps me going is my daughter, but then I think of what I am doing to her. She doesn't deserve a mommy who can't function normally.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I just can't "snap" out of being depressed. Thinking about talking to her takes me to an anxiety attack. All I want is to be left alone and allowed to be an adult! Stop treating me like I am a child who needs to be told what to do and when to do it. I did just fine living on my own. I AM NOT A CHILD!!! You made me an adult when I was a child, you now want to make me a child when I am an adult. It doesn't work like that! I am so mad I want to scream!
Sorry for being all over the place. I do that when I am angry. Allow my thoughts to lead.