Hi kindergirl,

I'm sorry that you just lost your father & are now facing the same fate with your mom. I just lost my mother to cancer two months ago. I'm grateful that I knew beforehand that she was going to die, b/c we were able to say things to each other that wouldn't have been said otherwise & spend time together. I live closeby to where she did, & was her main care-giver between my other siblings, aside from my dad. It was extrememly hard for many reasons- I loved her, but I had anger issues with her, & I couldn't bear to watch her suffering so much, especially with my severe depression, so I drank a lot around her, which I now regret. I am so upset with myself for allowing my depression & irritability to mar our last months together. I know that I don't have any control over my MI, but part of those reactions had to do with my conflicting feelings about her. If I could go back, even before she got sick, I wish more than anything that I could have just forgiven her & let it go. Yes, things she did had a HUGE impact on my life, but I loved her for many reasons & I should have held onto them. I still cannot bring myself to visit her grave yet- it's all very surreal & just beginning to sink in that she's actually gone. I'm crying as I write this. My advice to you would be to visit her, b/c if you don't, you will deeply regret it & never have the chance to make up for it. Don't expect her to apologize to you. She never did before & she won't now. People don't change. All you can do is control your own behavior as much as you can. Try to see that, whatever she did, she did b/c she had her own problems. I don't think that anyone intentionally hurts others. Being angry is only going to destroy yourself. It isn't like you will be with her for a year- you're only going for a visit. Go to her with love & say goodbye. If you don't, you will be hurting not only yourself but her, too. Be the bigger person. I'm telling you, you will regret it if you don't.
Please feel free to PM me, if you'd like.

bebop, you were the only person who replied when I posted here about my mom's death. Thank you.