As I type, I feel the anxiety building. I struggle with this every morning just thinking of the day of loneliness ahead of me. The anxiety usually builds until it triggers the depression. I'm so afraid of this illness.

The good news is I am seeing my new therapist in about an hour. Perhaps I am anxious over this first meeting, but that doesn't explain why I feel this way every morning. I can't stand to be in my home, so I make a special effort to get out. However, I'm neglecting my home. I just feel so lonely at home and the depression attacks me. I still have such sorrow and grief over the death of my cat, yet I have other kitties that need me, but it is just not the same. So this makes me feel guilty that I leave them alone so much. The death of my cat affected me more than any human death. Perhaps because I don't attach to people very easily. The pain and sorrow is still so overwhelming and it has been almost two years. I'm hoping my new therapist can teach me some coping skills.

Am I crazy? Am I sinking into something I will not come back from? I've suffered with depression most of my life, but there have also been times when I could cope. Now it seems as though I can not cope with life. I feel pathetic and worthless. Lonely beyond belief. I take meds, but I guess we haven't reached the proper dosage. I'm just lost. Can anyone relate? I could use a few words of comfort.