I stopped taking the Zyprexa(anti-depressant booster, not for psychosis) - I know, it's not a good idea to mess with one's own medicine, but I couldn't take the side effects anymore - THEY were depressing. I've gone from a size 10 to a size 14 in less than 2 months, I feel energyless from this extra weight, can't fit my clothes - it's a mess. But now, without any Zyprexa left in my system I'm feeling the effects. It's not like it ever worked much, but it did reduce my suicidal thoughts, they're stronger again. I'm also feeling like doing nothing but sleeping or comfort-food-eating and throwing around "why am I bothering?" in my mind again. It's another week before I see my new psychiatrist. It's so hard to stay motivated to fight through this, and I don't know if I can. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I see my case manager Tuesday morning... I just keep thinking "what's the point?" I don't think I want my thoughts to get worse, but if they do, then what? I have no idea if I'll keep myself safe.
I'm perplexed.