Quote:
Originally Posted by Fool Zero
Let's take a look, starting here:
What if the "if you would think about it differently, you wouldn't suffer so much when the flashbacks happen" part were actually true -- only you weren't ready to appreciate it and kept turning it into something else with, "It feels like it's my fault for suffering, because I'm doing it wrong"...?
It seems to me that a flashback, or anything else, is a lot easier to live with and let go of when you can let it be just a flashback -- and a lot harder when you take it as a sign that you're doing something wrong and are at fault.
[/SIZE]
|
I think you're right, that if I could, in those moments, let go and just let it be a flashback and know it's not happening now and that I'm safe now and that I survived it already (something my T is always reminding me, that I survived it!), it would be easier to live with.
And so it's my mind at play against itself, my inner "punishing parent", that turns that around and makes it a failure on my part when I'm not able to do that. Only now I feel I've not only let myself down, but I've let my T down too, that I'm not doing it right, that I'm not listening to her, not following her advice or using the skills she has taught me in DBT, that somehow I'm *choosing* to suffer and bringing her into that suffering with me. So do I have the right to call her for help, to ask her to spend yet more time and energy with me? ugh. it's this big mess of thoughts that go around and around in my head.
Quote:
Originally Posted by treehouse
I think it's important to remember we aren't doing anything WRONG. We're not saying "hey, I want to get out of the present and get lost in the past". It's not a choice, and it sucks.
NO ONE expects us to be perfect except ourselves. You are working hard, and you are doing the best you can. That's ALL anyone can expect of you.
|
thanks for that, tree. You're right, and I'm sure my T doesn't expect me to be perfect at all. Again, it's that inner "punishing parent", that way that I can be so hard on myself and hate myself for being weak and needing help and all that.
I think in some ways I expect my T to be like my mother, never satisfied, always disgusted with me, never believing me or believing IN me. I guess I have a lot of that tied up in all of this, trying to please T like I always tried to please my mom, and was never, ever able to. I didn't realize that until just now. No wonder it causes me a lot of angst and anxiety.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wonderingmary
I agree that your T is trying to help you, but it sounds like she is being klutzy at it. I suspect it would be more helpful for you if she said something like, "try to remind yourself" and "try to do grounding", and if she added something like, "you won't succeed every time right away, but if you keep trying, it will work more often and you will suffer less when the flashbacks happen," and maybe even, "try to notice any little bit that it helps, and that will help you learn this skill."
|
she actually does say things like that, she compares it to someone preparing themselves for sports, say a tennis player. That person has to get out on the court and hit balls for hours and hours to build up those muscles. She tells me to think of myself like that, building those muscles. And that every time I notice a thought or emotion, that IS mindfulness, and noticing that I noticed it, that is mindfulness too. That's doing it.