I am sorry to hear that you have lost your father and now you are losing your mother. The numbness sometimes is a way of deflecting overwhelming apprehension and anxiety. Maybe you could talk to a pastor, or a member of your treatment team if you have one, to help work through some of this stuff. I don't want to add pressure to the situation but maybe you could take the time to work through and resolve some of your past concerns with your mother. I wish I had answers before it was too late in many of my relationships that can't be asked now. Good luck and find peace.