I KNEW that your thread was triggering something for me....but I had trouble pinpointing what it was....and then it just smacked me in the face!

Yesterday, I was in group. I was feeling pretty good (headache-wise) and contributed to the session in multiple ways. Afterwards, my T posts some feedback on a private blog...and he pointed out some significant points for everyone...and then when mine came up, he said that I became distant during the session...and assumed it was related to a headache that was brewing.

I immediately responded, pointing out that I didn't feel that I was being distant and listed what I felt my contributions were.

He posted back saying that perhaps distant wasn't the right word...then suggested the word "pensive"...and asked me to see if there was anything that I could sense that would've helped him to sense that I was distant.

I posted back my dislike of the term "pensive"...and said that I had no sense of what he was sensing (if that makes sense ) and that I wasn't able to be reflective at the moment...and that perhaps it doesn't even matter.

Then...

Your thread about validation and feeling unimportant smacked me like a ton of bricks!

YES!! YES!! YES!!

I posted tonight on the blog that I still had no sense of what he was sensing....but that I felt that in his blog note, my contributions were invalidated...I immediately became defensive....and then dismissed it, chalking it up to being unimportant.

There I was in group thinking that I was participating...and to have him raving about the significance of everyone elses contributions and minimize mine....well, let's just say I do not feel good about that at all.

Makes me wonder what the reality is.....Am I being overly sensitive? Am I reading it all wrong? Am I just jealous because others contributions were more impactful and I just don't measure up? Was I really being distant? Or, were my contributions really being minimized? Is perception reality, or is the perception distorted? Does my past (csa, physical abuse, etc.) come into play here? So many unanswered questions.

Anyway, Peaches, I just wanted to let you know that your thread had a real impact on me.