to me it feels like an absence of any emotions when it hits me bad or an overwhelming sadness that wont be shaken.
i can have good days and bad days, good days is when i put my mask on and just get on with it until i am alone again.
bad days are when i can just ' be there '.

i have got myself to find peace in loneliness and solitude, there is where i can be me without effecting others or having to be something i am not