I'm very bored and irritable most of the time, with some sadness. Gee, almost sounds like a weather forecast When my alarm goes off in the morning, I try to think of my reason for getting out of bed, other than that I have to. It's so hard when you aren't motivated and you can't think of a reason. But I still have to get up anyway. I guess that's partly why I'm so cranky in the morning. Most of the time, I am also very self-conscious and anxious, which is my anxiety speaking. I've never actually been diagnosed with depression, but I have some of the symptoms.

Between the times when my anxiety is at it's worst, I feel like I'm acting, almost like living someone else's life. I do feel like I'm faking. I've always felt this way. I feel it right now too. It's like I do this to myself for attention from other people. Because I want their affection. So I guess in a way, anxiety = attention and affection from people. They notice and "take care" of me. I don't know.