i can relate to this but i went into full-blown addiction. im 5 months, 10 days sober and for once in my life my meds are straight. it is amazing how much better they work when im not drunk/high. i definately understand how it happens - need to slow down, want to get rid of anxiety, want to be in a situation where you feel "comfortable," want to sleep, don't want to feel depression (or completely hopeless in depression, so might as well drink)... ive been there. i also have had some serious bouts with promiscuity in the past. i didn't think id climb out of the perpetual darkness of my depressive crashes but it is good. i get really scared when it rears its head though - i cannot go back to the constant chaos. i think that these beahviors really reflect the chaos...

hang in there.

kc