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Originally Posted by treehouse
OH wow, zoo, I have had this feeling during breaks in the trauma work. I have actually told T that I almost feel like I need to be "invited" to talk about it again. I am so so so so so trained to not tell that it's REALLY easy for me to slip back into "secrecy" mode. AND I start thinking "T doesn't want to hear this stuff anyhow". Ugh!
Can you tell T that you are feeling like you are not allowed to talk? That has actually come up for me repeatedly in therapy (even after this last "trauma work" break we took over the holidays!), and it's something I always need to work through with T so I can open up again.
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thank you SO MUCH, tree! That was really validating. I have some of the same thoughts, that my T doesn't want to hear it, that it's so nasty and dirty, no wonder she doesn't want me to talk about it, etc.
I have such a hard time sharing those kinds of thoughts with my T. I think I may do better if I call her and tell her that on the phone, I just have a really hard time being that open and vulnerable in session and I can see myself going in there and WANTING to say it but not being able to and then being in misery the whole time.
I think I really should only call her if I'm in crisis, but I can probably make a quick call just to tell her that I'm feeling this way about the trauma work.
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Originally Posted by MissCharlotte
So the mindfulness part for me (and I DO use it) is for my adult self and allows my adult self to stay present and okay in the moment so I can take care of my child self (not because the child self doesn't exist or lived long ago--she is still very real inside of me).
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thanks so much for that, Miss C. This is exactly the different perspective I really needed in order to look at this mindfulness a different way. Not as a denial of my experience but as a way of better coping while still acknowledging it.
This idea and concept of the inner child has been coming up again and again for me lately, and I really feel like it's a key for me. I have been trying to acknowledge and nuture my inner child in small ways as I begin to have some awareness of her and it does help. It's amazing, how I can feel her inside me, still just a little girl, alone and hurt and scared and needing a mother.