Hi all, thanks! What wonderful responses. I think through your thoughtful remarks I have figured out that EMDR didn't (and won't) work for me because I have complex ptsd. (However, I will keep looking for that giant bandaid that fixes my boo boo). There were many traumatic experiences over a long period of time; much neglect, physical abuse, csa, and sexualizing. As a teen I was the victim of a violent attempted rape by a stranger.

So for me, it is through the relationship with T (as many of you have mentioned) that I heal. With T I am learning how to have an intimate relationship. For the first time tonight I was able to call him and say I was angry at him for something he said in session. He called me back and apologized and said he didn't want me to carry that around all weekend. Talk about healing!