I am a bit...overwhelmed and confused here latley

I have been having lots of memories concerning the car wreck I was in about four years back, it was originally why I started therapy.

I keep having flashbacks to the carwreck, I thought I had really worked and processed all the trauma from it. Maybe I didn't? I'm not understanding why now, it isn't near the anniversry of the accident.

I keep flashing back to being in the passenger seat and watching my grandmother die, listening to her weeze and tell me everything is okay. I keep remebering how sickly hot the day was and how I kept screaming after the wreck.... being tossed from ambulance to ambulance and sitting in the hospital room waiting for my parents to get there, how the state trooper wouldn't look me in the eyes everytime I asked how my grandmother was while she was questioing me about the wreck. The blood stain in front of the er doors, and how when I was sitting in the ambulance the medic turned the radio off when my grandmother's name came over it.

I havne't thought of those things in years, this year will be the five year annviersry, I thought I had made peace with it, I went to my grandmother's grave four or five times this year, and last year was the first time I was ever able to go to her grave since the funeral.

Maybe it's interlooping to the truama work I am doing in therapy? My abuser stayed with us during the funeral, and slept in the living room on the couch which is right next to my room.......

I just feel so flustered and fatigued over it all, and when I have those flashbacks to teh accident I want to scratch my eyes out, it's like I"m back in that passenger seat watching it all over again, I watn to cry and scream and hurt myself all at the same time. I try to just roll through the emotions and let myself have them and so far it's been okay, I havent' hurt myself and have been able to float through the mometns. but it leaves me so...hollow feeling.......and so lost...