(((((Zoo)))) I want you to know you are loved and cared about here. Even if you SI you are so much more than how you feel about yourself.

I also really do NOT like that attitude toward me when I have SI'd. It gives me the feeling that the T thinks she has to put in place a rule so I dont manipulate her with it, but actually, it feels like *I* am being manipulated by a rule. To not give "attention" and re-inforce the behavior. I feel like I am being treated like a monkey in a psychology experiment. I never really said much to any T about that, because I felt like I would be seen as manipulative. You just cant win.

Personally, it makes me wonder if they really DO understand the feelings behind the self-injuring. If they could know what thoughts, feelings or even dissociated-ness goes on with that maybe they would treat it differently. I feel that it has been up to me to tell the T, but I wonder if, b/c of the bpd stuff, I will be believed or seen as a manipulating borderline. This whole issue, as you can see, is a hot topic for me.

I understand you and I understand completely why you would hesitate to call. DBT Ts are not (I think) real careful with the SI stuff and get tough. That kind of thing makes me feel worse. I get the feeling you felt cared about. So,thats a good thing. Can you tell her what you are feeling? Your fears and what you are going through and why you SId and then called her (when you talk to her tomorrow)?

I think that is what I would do. I am saying that b/c if I were to SI now I doubt I would tell my T, even ftt. Id deal with it and move on. Sounds terrible, but I dont like the attitude that borderlines SI for attention. How long has it been since you last SI'd? I dont remember you posting about that before. Did you ever go to the SI board?

I think I am just blabbering about my stuff in regard to SI. I hope i didnt bring you down even further Maybe the DBT attitude triggers me and that is why I am writing what I am. It feels like cold love, what a coincidence that that would trigger me

Im so sorry Zoo that you were in this state of mind Can you try to post before that you "want to"? I have done that and it is helpful.