(((((((((((((((Feeling Sad)))))))))))))))

I'd hazard a guess that many if not most of us on this site have things about us that we don't feel 100% proud of. Things we would like to change. Problems we dearly wish we didn't have.

It is sometimes so difficult for us NOT to hate ourselves. There is so much imperfection and messed-up ness to hate! But does it help???

Let's look at this:

If you hate your job you may be able to apply for a different one....

If you hate your car you may be able to buy a different one....

If you hate your accomodation you may be able to find somewhere else to live....

If you hate you partner you may be able to leave them and find someone else....

If you hate yourself....???

In fact hate doesn't help in any of the above examples. If we want to make a change in our life we will be able to do it far better without hate, but no where is the pointlessness and futility of hate more apparent than with respect to self-hate. It simply gets us no where - no where at all.

We have to accept that people aren't perfect. We have to learn to and accept people for who they are INCLUDING OURSELVES.

If we can have that and acceptance for everyone, including ourselves, then we will be able to see clearer and plan better. Rather than hating ourselves we need to treat ourselves with compassion and care. Rather than criticising ourselves we need to talk to ourselves kindly and gently and offer ourselves the best advice of which we are aware.... just as we would to a close friend whom we cared about very much.

Six years ago my self-criticisms reached a zenith. I was consumed with self-hate and self-loathing.... I came to realize "THIS WILL NEVER WORK".... I made a solemn pledge to myself.... to talk myself gently throught the rest of my life.

I have faltered in that pledge on many occasions, but I have never given it up.

Please be kind to youself FeelingSad. Please be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself as you would a good friend. Your brothers and sisters on PsychCentral know where you are coming from and are with you every step of the way.