Hi Winterbaby,

You do bring up some good things. I do have some good feelings about him, he did help me and that is why I think I feel protective of him somewhat. But they are mixed feelings because I am also feeling rage about what he did to me and how he took my trust and abused that among other things. It is more complicated that all that, but my feelings are mixed. I think if I didn't feel this spiritual bond, I would have gone through with the APA complaint a long time ago, it is just who I am personally. So the one thing he doesn't believe in (spiritual bonds) is actually saving his butt.

I believe one thing I want to happen is for him to realize is how his actions affected me. During therapy with him, I tried to talk about some of his actions but he refused to discuss it, it was like he silenced me. I tried many times. At one point I told him to quick acting like my friend if we can't ever be. He would cool it for a few session and go back to his old ways. I am talking how he socialized our therapy sessions, it was never about therapy. A lot of times it was him venting about HIS stuff or talking about philosophy or showing me his building's history. For me it isn't so much of wanting to know why he did what he did, but I want him to know how I feel about it.

I know I need to let go and with therapy I am slowly doing that. I think my T and her old supervisor wants me to have some kind of closure of being able to have his unethical actions held accountable-whether through the APA or through this T who is respected by him and who have known each other for a long time. She is also not a close friend to him, like my 2nd T was. She want him to get some help if he hasn't. I think she may also have a responsibility to do this (by the APA) now that she knows more of the story, the stuff that is clearly unethical that he did.
But whatever happens, my own T is there for me she said, she is on my side of things and will support me in whatever I decide. I believe her.