so, while I was in the process of writing that reply above last night, the police came to my door. Evidently my T had tried to call me and when I didn't answer the phone she became concerned, especially since I live alone and my SI yesterday involved medication and I have a history of overdose. So she sent them out to do a welfare check.

Wow, that was bizarre. Obviously I was ok and they left after about a half hour or so but it was definitely weird having 2 police officers standing in my apartment, very triggering. And I didn't come back here to post the reply I had written until this morning, but anyway that's my update.

thank you all for your posts and your support and your opinions, it means a lot.